Love You Dad

"Bye Big Guy"

Those would be the last words I would ever hear from my father and they were three simple words that will stay with me for the rest of my life. My dad always called me "Big Guy", it was rare that I ever heard any other name.

Yesterday, August 14, 2015 at 7:15 AM my dad passed away. We all believe he decided to go then because he knew that none of us would be there. My dad never wanted to disappoint anyone, he never wanted to see us cry or be upset. He was strong. We told him that it was okay to let go though and that we would be fine. For the months, weeks, and even the final days until my dad passed I tried to be that same kind of 'strong' for the family. It wasn't easy though and the truth was that I was crumbling inside.

When I sat beside my dad and saw his lifeless form I couldn't help but break and feel the tears trickling down my face. I could hear my family crying around me while I continued to feel paralyzed. Their was something special and peaceful about it as well though that I can't quite explain...

We all shared memories, thoughts, laughs and sadness. The bond of family is the strongest thing I have ever felt. I am thankful for each person that stopped by to see my dad on his last days and those who offered comfort to myself, my wife, and especially for my mom. You showed that you will be missed by so many, Dad.

As the day progressed I felt a roller-coaster of emotions, everything from happy thoughts to not wanting to eat, to finally crumbling late at night in my bed. When things were quiet and I was left with my thoughts I couldn't help but think of all the memories that I will miss with my Dad as well as all of the wonderful memories that I had with him.

Me and my Dad didn't always have the easiest relationship while I was a young child but those who are close to me already know that. The important thing is that my Dad found the courage to beat the demons that overtook him. My Dad showed us all who he truly was, and that was an amazing man who touched so many people.

My dad was my best friend. We did everything together. I will never forget the cherished moments of playing video games with him whether it was on the PlayStation or on the Sega Genesis. The countless hours of NHL hockey that we would play. My dad always wanted me to be on his team instead of going against him though because it would make him so mad at how good I was.

I will also never forget the countless Canucks games we would watch together. Hearing him cheer, swear, and even occasionally throw things are all part of my wonderful memories. When I was younger, during intermissions, me and my Dad and our dog Kassie, would go into the basement and play a little floor hockey. It was my favorite time of the day.

I will also never forget the countless Chilliwack Chiefs, Chilliwack Bruins, and Old-Timer hockey games my dad would bring me too. They were the best outings I could have ever had. Of course, I will also never forget the Canucks vs Ducks game that my dad took me too. It was the first NHL game I had ever been too and I got to see my two favorite players. Alexander Mogilny, and Paul Kariya. The Canucks won and Mogilny scored two goals. My dad surprised me during intermission with a Mogilny Canucks jersey. I still have it. I cherish it.

There are so many memories... I can't list them all. They are where they belong though and that's in my heart.

This has been the toughest of days, of weeks, and of months that I have ever faced. I miss him so much already. Everyone tells me that the days will get easier, and I know they will but I can't help but feel that their will always be some kind of pain. I know that he is in a wonderful place right now though and is fishing it up with my Grandpa. Enjoy your time Dad, I will see you again one day.

"Bye Dad... I love you"